Good things come to those who wait!!!

We received a referral for a very healthy, baby girl! She was born on August 4, 2011 in the Jiangxi province. We are over the moon! Thank you so much for all of your prayers and encouragement! More to come and pictures soon! :)

Anticipation...

Spent a little time reading through the journals that I started for Emma Grace waaaaaay back in the beginning. Boy, I sure hope my child doesn't judge me too harshly for the sentimentality that oozes from those pages!

I'm feeling pretty cautiously optimistic tonight. Been reading the 'rumor' blogs and many of them point to phone calls starting tomorrow possibly. It's exciting to think that sometime this week we might know what our precious girl looks like!

I'd like to be able to really relax and enjoy this time but it's been anything but enjoyable recently. My head has been full of swirling, whirling chaos lately. I can't concentrate. I can't think straight! My fuse is short. My patience is thin. All I can think about is getting on a plane and flying across the world, making our little family complete, and establishing our own traditions. I can't wait to take our girl to Cedar Key in July, to spend Christmas morning in our own beds and awake to the magic of Santa's visit, to actually celebrate Mother's day this year without tears and longing, for Paul to know the joy of being a father on Father's day. The list is innumerable.

Come on, baby girl, come on! This could be our week!


"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9


"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

Come on, baby! Come on...

That it is all.

January 2012

All of the griping, whining, and feeling discouraged- I take it all back! I know I thought the last 60+ months were difficult, but this? This waiting each week to hear from our agency that we've been matched with a sweet baby girl on the other side of the world, THIS is difficult.

Saturday, January 28th at 9:00 pm our time, the CCCAA reopened it's doors since closing on January 23 for the observance of Chinese New Year. Our prayer all day yesterday was that they (the CCCAA) would come back rejuvenated and ready to do some matching! Naturally, we prayed it in church today and naturally, I wept like a baby. I swear that adoption hormones are just as real as pregnancy hormones.

Please just continue to pray for us, for that precious baby so far away and for the folks in China to work quickly and efficiently. Any day now, Lord, any day now. :-)

Guess what's finally sinking in?

Paul and I went to church today- our "home" church (which we haven't been to in a month of Sundays, and that's a story for another day). Aside from the awkwardness that exists when you go some place that used to be home and now you feel like a total stranger, I was overcome by a flood of emotions. I'm usually a bit emotional in church anyway. When the message is right and I'm feeling it in my bones it's not unusual for me to cry a bit. I made it through the service pretty well and returned to my seat after communion and proceeded to pray. I made it through my 'list' of usual prayers and began to ask God to bless and keep our daughter, as I always do, and the tears began to come. It's silly, but she's always been "real" in my heart, but now... now she's REAL. Somewhere in an orphanage there's a baby girl waiting for us to come get her. I guess it's the waiting part that made me teary. For so long we've been waiting for her, and now she's waiting on us. I wonder if God, who placed her in my heart so long ago, has placed us in her heart, too? Does she have a sense of peace and knowing that soon her family is coming to get her? I can't believe what a softie I am (those of you who really know me, know that's really who I am anyway). My eyes are filling up now just thinking about it again.
The conclusion I've come to, based on nothing but my faith, is that He must be watching over her and all the other little babies who have no momma to rock them tonight. For that and the innumerable gifts and blessing He has given us, I am thankful beyond measure. Our God is an awesome God.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

You know what's worse than waiting 5 years?

Waiting 3-6 months! I'm more impatient now than I've ever been. Think about it. Somewhere in China a child has been born and is waiting for all of this paperwork nonsense to be completed so we can bring her home. Amazing. My child has been born. ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD! Let the nesting begin, again.

I'm finding it very difficult to concentrate on much of anything else right now. Errant thoughts and questions keep popping into my head. What does she look like? What if she doesn't like us? What if she doesn't sleep? What if she's a picky eater? How many diapers do you need for two weeks? How much formula do you take with you? How long does that last? What's the best way to schlep your kid through international airport after airport? What if she cries the entire flight? What if she doesn't cry? Will she have a good sense of humor?

Glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel...

We received word from our agency that our LID group is the next group to be matched with babies. We are cautiously optimistic at this point. I'm pretty sure I had lost faith that this would actually happen but now that it feels real again I can't wait. Our baby girl may have been born by now or is about to be born! Either way she's real again in my heart! Cross your fingers and pray without ceasing that if she is abandoned she's found quickly and loved and cared for until we can come and get her and bring her home.

60 Month Milestone

60 months ago today our paperwork was logged in at the CCAA. Now, all we have to do is wait to be matched. How long could that take? We thought naively. :-) We're closer to our baby girl than ever before.

Milestones- real and imaginary

Real milestone- as August draws near we are approaching our 60th month of waiting. Nothing new to report. Nothing new to say about it.

Imaginary milestone- I turned 40 this month. No big deal. I think I expected a big deal of some kind. I don't know. Didn't feel particularly older or wiser. I liken it to the phenomenon of wedding let down. Young women look forward to their wedding day with such enthusiasm and zeal that the actual day, although amazing and beautiful, can't possibly live up to the fantasy they've created in their head. Turning 40 was kind of like that which is weird because I didn't have any 40 fantasies. I just know that it wasn't at all what I thought it would be.

Summer time and the living is easy?

Can't believe that summer is only a few days away. Looking around the homestead and making a list of all the things I'd like to get done this summer. Odd, some of those same items were on the list I made this time last year. Go figure. :)

On resentment and frustration

I attended a baby shower for a dear friend (and had she not been my dear friend I would not have gone) this past weekend and while I was there a former colleague asked me where we were in the process and "Just how long have you been waiting?" This particular woman is a really sweet girl. In no way did she mean to intrude or pry. She was genuinely concerned and was around when we first began this process. The thing that really irked me, and maybe it shouldn't have, was when a total stranger inserted herself into the conversation and began to ask really personal questions: Why is it taking so long for you? I don't know. How long have you been waiting? 58 months. Why did you choose China? I've heard really bad things about them. We really felt like China was chosen for us and we did our research. China is still one of the most reputable countries from which to adopt. The questions continued and I politely but curtly answered them. I used to think I was pretty transparent- easy to read, but apparently not. This girl was not picking up what I was putting down. I had to simply walk away from her to get away from her.

Now, to be fair,I am extraordinarily sensitive about this topic and the longer we wait the more sensitive I become. Which brings me to the question: which is worse: asking about the adoption, talking about it all the time or not talking about it, not acknowledging that perhaps it's a little difficult for me to attend a baby shower, or celebrate a Mother's day. So, I'm bringing it here. Putting it down on the 'page' so that maybe I can actually put it down.

I resent the tiptoeing around. "Oh, be careful around, Lisa. Don't talk about babies with her." And, just to muddy the waters and set up a perfect paradox here, I also hate talking about other people's babies incessantly. It's a catch-22. I know it. Deal with it. I am.

I resent when people assume that they know what it is like to wait like this and I resent being reminded of Sarah and Abraham and how long they waited as if that is some sort of consolation.

I resent having to comfort someone else about my situation. Really? Don't wince at me when I answer your questions and give me that pitiful look.

I'm not feeling all that positive right now and guess what? If my ankles were swollen and my body was exhausted from carrying another human being we'd chalk that up to just pregnancy hormones and sensitivity. Instead, because I am waiting for a child halfway across the universe I think I'm supposed to make things easier for other folks, to suck it up. Get on with it. Be a good sport. Well, I don't want to suck it up. I'm tired of being a good sport. I'm frustrated. Angry. Sad. Irritated.

Instead of silently seething and not really hiding my feelings all that well, I've purged. It's out there. Done. However, I don't know if this is the last time I'll say these things, something tells me it won't be.

I would like to end on a positive note so I'll simply say that I've been blessed beyond my understanding with a husband who knows when to listen and when to advise, who is silently suffering right along side of me during all of this and who truly knows the way this feels. I'm forever grateful for my friend, Connie, who has perfect timing (because His time is perfect) and asked the right question at the right time. Thank you, Connie, for being such a blessing and a good listener. I'm really trying to lay this at His feet.

March 16 was 56 months.

Nothing I could write now would NOT sound like a giant pity party. So, no post. Just the update.

Month 51 and Some Ramblings

Been awhile since last I wrote. Haven't had much to say, in the way of the adoption, anyway. Those who know me, know I always have something to say :)

Wednesday, Nov. 3- we made the trip down to the area offices of immigration services and updated our 1-171H and were fingerprinted again. This renewal process secures the immigration status of an adopted child and ensures that upon arrival in the United States the abandoned orphan is declared a US citizen. Our appointment was at 8 and we were back in the car on our way home by 8:20. Is was great! We had a nice day together. Grabbed lunch, ate at a leisurely pace and then had dinner with my in-laws. It was a good day.

I'd like to think this is the last time we will do this...but we've been living this life for 51 months. I worry that I won't know how to live a life that isn't about waiting... what in the world am I going to do with a baby???? I'm sure I'll figure that out and I can name a few folks who would like nothing more than to tell me how to do it... solicited or not. But those of you who know me well, and love me anyway, know how well I take a lesson. ;)

I've been thinking a lot about the kind of young woman I hope our daughter grows up to be. Independent. Spirited. Intelligent. Kind. Willing and able to speak her mind. I hope she's able to draw boundaries so that no one, not a soul, treats her like a door mat. I want her to be able to say, "Mom, You're wrong and I disagree" when I am and she does. I want her to be able to follow her heart and not worry what the rest of the damn world thinks about it. I'd like her to be sensitive to others but not so sensitive herself. Sadly, I'd like her to know that there are some people, no matter how hard you try, who will never be satisfied. That might sound pessimistic but it's really not. Those people aren't worth her time. I also want her to know that no matter who it is... I will take down the person who tries to make her something she's not. So, enough said I suppose.

Month 49

Today is Friday, August 6, 201o. August 16th will mark the 49th month anniversary of the log in of our dossier to China. Who knew then that we'd still be waiting and waiting? Tomorrow the social worker from AWAA will come and meet with us again to update our home study. While she is a lovely woman and we do enjoy visiting with her, I hope that this it the last visit of this kind. Of course once we have EG we will need to have post-placement follow ups, but I am really getting ahead of myself. On a side note- one of my former students said the sweetest thing to me yesterday. He said, "Hopefully by the new year you'll be Mama Nehrig instead of just plain ol' Nehrig."



Paul's new job has him SUPER busy and we haven't really had a chance to spend much real time together lately. I think once our interview is over we're going to just hang out in our backyard and float around the pool until we're all wrinkled!

Heard from our family coordinator today

Hey ya'll...
Got word today from our family coordinator. We were told not to expect a referral at all this year either. The wait times and matching times keep extending and it's very doubtful that we'll receive a match this year. That's all the news you can use from this front.

Let's see...what's going on...

It's been a few months since I last logged in and posted. What's happened... where to start, where to start. Thanksgiving found us in Tampa this year. We celebrated with my mom, step-dad, sister, the Boog (a.k.a. Devon) and my step-dad's daughter, her husband and their new baby. Nothing out of the ordinary really. It was nice.

December found us scrambling to make it to the winter vacation, or maybe that was just me! Those of you who keep close contact know that this year has been one of the toughest of my career. I spend all day trying to sell something that no one is interested in! That's hard.

We celebrated Christmas eve with Paul's mother and brothers. We missed his sister this year but she was working and being gainfully employed is super! We ate, exchanged stocking stuffers and headed to church for the 7:30 service. We used to go to the 11:00, but all of us used to be younger, too! Paul and I then headed down to Tampa so that we could be at my mother's on Christmas morning to watch the Boog open her presents and revel in the delightful treasures that Santa (who she doesn't even know) left for her under the tree. She was overwhelmed as usual and the whole experience left me thinking, "how in the world do you top that?" I fear we've set some dangerous precedents with this kid and Christmas. We all received a fabulous Christmas present this year. My mother's sister, my aunt Cheryl Ann, was able to join us this year. We were so glad to see her. She's been gone TOOOO long and hopefully will be making her way back to Florida, for good, soon! We miss her.

New Year's eve found us at Paul's father and step-mother's house. This is always a fun time. We gnosh on delicious goodies, laugh, and exchange gifts via a Chinese gift auction. It's so much fun to see what each package contains and who will end up with what at the end of the evening. I like to think that I got the best gift this year: A CLAPPER! Ohh.. .this is a sweet little gadget and I have joked about wanting/needing one for years and this year I scored! OOh.. what's that... too tired to roll over and turn out that light? No problem... clap on...clap off... the clapper!! I'm a simple woman really, with simple needs and who delights in simple pleasures. HAHA!

So now we're back in the swing of things at school. We've been back for one full week and this week is mid-term week. I'll spend my time preparing, administering and grading exams. Oh what fun and joy! The good news is that we will have a long weekend vacation coming up. We get Monday, Jan 18th off and Tuesday, Jan 19th is a teacher duty day. Should be most excellent.

And now for what you've been reading all of the previous drivel for... our agency released news that referrals for 3 babies were received on December 28th. This round of referrals finishes out the the dossiers logged in in March 2006. The next expected group was logged in April 6, 2006. The wait time still increases by one to 1 1/2 months each month, and the average now is 44-45 months. Who knows what that really means for us but by gum they are finished processing March referrals finally! Stay tuned for more as it becomes available.

Of Christmas letters and garage sales

A few weeks ago I was shopping at our local Target when I rounded a corner and ran smack dab into a Christmas/Halloween display. I was on the phone with my sister and I remarked to her that at that precise moment my head literally imploded! While it was very disconcerting and I was even a little perturbed by the blatant commercialization of Christmas it did not stop me from buying my Christmas cards that night! I had to hold myself back and refrain from getting them ready to go that evening. So, as I sit here and contemplate getting my mailing list together and questioning how soon is too soon to send the cards I am also considering the inclusion of a Christmas letter. I think I may have done one before but I've always been a bit 'put off' by the letter writing process. I've just never seen us as Christmas letter people. Of course Paul could not care less and therefore he is no help. The question remains... letter or no letter. The internal debate continues.

To quote Monty Python, now for something completely different...

We had a garage sale yesterday. Let me preface this bit with the following statement: I LOATHE garage sales. I do not like other people picking over my junk and passing judgement on it. Now, you can tell me all day long that isn't the case, but you and I both know it is. People drive by and cast their disapproving stares in the direction of your former treasure turned junk. My in-laws joined us for the day and it was really nice.

We were following the advice of Dave Ramsey to sell everything...sell so much that the kids begin to think they're next! So we unloaded about 15 years worth of junk (hey, it's mine and I can call it junk!). It was a really successful day. We'll be sending a pretty respectable check off to American Express. We're on a course, slow moving as it may be, to retire all of our debt in the next 2 years. If there's one thing Paul and I are good at it's been eliminating debt and then recreating it! We're shooting for the elimination but not the recreation this time around.

It's been a conscious effort on our part to be better with money, both in how we handle it and how we think about it, so that we don't pass on any toxic money habits to our child. For my part, it's been about confronting the issues and dealing with them rather than hiding and fighting the urge to vomit when the subject comes up. I grew up in a house that was miserable when Dad would get out the adding machine and spreadsheet. Yes, a real adding machine and an old-fashioned spreadsheet, my father was a CPA. For as smart as my Dad was, and he was brilliant, he wasn't great with our family finances. Every bill paying session was one that found us on the brink of broke, or at least that is what he communicated to us, sometimes subtley and sometimes verbatim. So to say that I have money anxiety is a terrible understatement. I'm working on it though. The course we began, Financial Peace University, has been helpful in a lot of ways and off putting for me in others. I'm INTENSELY private about financial matters. I find it uncomfortable to discuss money with others, especially strangers, and while there's no real pressure to discuss your money in the class it was still very uncomfortable. Overall it's been an elightening program even though our attendance has been what you might call great. We have learned some valuable skills, however.

In addition to trying not to send Christmas cards too early I'm also trying to delay putting up our Christmas trees. I'm actually feeling like decorating this year, and I figure I should strike while the iron is hot considering for a few years we didn't even put up a tree at all. I've been thinking, which is always dangerous, that this really might be our last childless Christmas. I don't like to get my hopes up too high but it just might be it. Our wait will be 39 months tomorrow. We could be getting a call some time in April or May of 2010, dare I even think it.

So, until the next post...

Lisa

A much needed change and 38 months of the same...

It's a BEAUTIFUL day in this steambath known as Florida. It's cool. There's a nice breeze. I got up this morning at 6:30 (on Saturday, no less) and opened all the windows in the house. It was still dark outside but my windows were wide open, much to my thin-blooded husband's dismay! We rented a steam cleaner and while I sit here and type this, Paul is cleaning our carpet. We're trying to prolong the life of the already 10 year old "stain resistant" berber. I figure we have until the first of the year until I can't stand looking at it any longer!

I was inspired by this beautiful day to do some much needed yucky tasks. I scrubbed our back french doors and the screen doors. Man, people who have come to visit have been awfully nice and haven't said anything about how filthy those doors were! Thank you. The dog got a nice visit to the groomers today. She was in need of a spa day. She's all pretty for her long weekend at her Nanny's.

Paul and I leave for Cedar Key on Thursday afternoon. We're going to spend the weekend there in celebration (although a weekend early) of our 15th wedding anniversary. We're really looking forward to this trip because we've never been when the weather was cool. This weekend is the big Cedar Key Seafood and Art festival so the place will be overrun with tourists. We've been told that next weekend the place is a ghost town. Just the way we like it! Hopefully we'll get some birding in and some nice long walks. I can't adequately express how much I need a mini-vacay from the job.

I talked to my niece today, well I talked and she listened really, but I miss that little booger. She's growing up so fast and I can't believe she'll be 3 in March. Our baby (yes, Kim, I said OUR baby ;) ) is almost 3... pretty soon she'll be going to college (Harvard, don't you know). I suppose that the only really good thing about this adoption taking so long is that Devon will be available for babysitting by the time our EG gets here! And I'm only partly kidding there, folks! Our adoption agency received referrals for 9 healthy babies ranging from 7-21 months this week. The families who received these referrals were logged in to the CCAA March 26 of 2006. Do the math (mainly because math was never my strong suit) and you'll figure out that we won't be hearing anything until March/April of 2010, which we knew but it still stinks. So, that's the update. The news from the front, if you will, and really what choice do you have reading this from wherever you are reading it... :)

Thanks for stopping in and I look forwarding to chatting with you all real soon.

Lisa

Happy Birthday, Paul!

Tomorrow, Sept. 23, is Paul's 4oth birthday. Can you believe it? Paul is 40! It's hard to imagine that it's been 23 years since we met and began dating. When I think of Paul, especially around his birthday, I think of his Grandpa Harp as well. On his 80th birthday Grandpa Harp, who lost his parents at a young age, told a story about his promise to his parents, to always be a good boy, that he lived his life with that in mind. I remember how moved Paul was by that story and how he, too, has always tried to be a good boy. Interestingly enough it isn't something Paul must try to do (nor was it for Grandpa Harp, either). He is genuinely a good man. He's thoughtful, kind, loving, patient, generous and humble. The list goes on and on. I can't tell you how fortunate I am to have chosen so wisely all those years ago. Shoot when you're 15, you don't know a darn thing and while I might have had an inkling that he would turn out to be such a great man I was mostly just dazzled by how handsome he was, and is! :)

Even though I am terribly biased I believe we, who know and love him, are blessed to have him. So on September 23 I will say, as I do everyday, thanks be to God for this husband of mine, and thanks to his parents, for raising such a wonderful man. You did good!

Happy Birthday, Paul. I love you more than you can ever know.
Your wife,
Lisa

See two posts before...

Our agency announced the referral of 7 healthy baby girls this week. It would seem that 7 is the magic number and it would seem that the time between referrals is about a month now. I don't know what that means for us exactly. We've been in this game for 36 months this month so perhaps we really are closing in on a date? Sometimes reporting this news feels like not really reporting anything at all. There you have it... :)

Love to you all,

Lisa and Paul