Summer time and the living is easy?

Can't believe that summer is only a few days away. Looking around the homestead and making a list of all the things I'd like to get done this summer. Odd, some of those same items were on the list I made this time last year. Go figure. :)

On resentment and frustration

I attended a baby shower for a dear friend (and had she not been my dear friend I would not have gone) this past weekend and while I was there a former colleague asked me where we were in the process and "Just how long have you been waiting?" This particular woman is a really sweet girl. In no way did she mean to intrude or pry. She was genuinely concerned and was around when we first began this process. The thing that really irked me, and maybe it shouldn't have, was when a total stranger inserted herself into the conversation and began to ask really personal questions: Why is it taking so long for you? I don't know. How long have you been waiting? 58 months. Why did you choose China? I've heard really bad things about them. We really felt like China was chosen for us and we did our research. China is still one of the most reputable countries from which to adopt. The questions continued and I politely but curtly answered them. I used to think I was pretty transparent- easy to read, but apparently not. This girl was not picking up what I was putting down. I had to simply walk away from her to get away from her.

Now, to be fair,I am extraordinarily sensitive about this topic and the longer we wait the more sensitive I become. Which brings me to the question: which is worse: asking about the adoption, talking about it all the time or not talking about it, not acknowledging that perhaps it's a little difficult for me to attend a baby shower, or celebrate a Mother's day. So, I'm bringing it here. Putting it down on the 'page' so that maybe I can actually put it down.

I resent the tiptoeing around. "Oh, be careful around, Lisa. Don't talk about babies with her." And, just to muddy the waters and set up a perfect paradox here, I also hate talking about other people's babies incessantly. It's a catch-22. I know it. Deal with it. I am.

I resent when people assume that they know what it is like to wait like this and I resent being reminded of Sarah and Abraham and how long they waited as if that is some sort of consolation.

I resent having to comfort someone else about my situation. Really? Don't wince at me when I answer your questions and give me that pitiful look.

I'm not feeling all that positive right now and guess what? If my ankles were swollen and my body was exhausted from carrying another human being we'd chalk that up to just pregnancy hormones and sensitivity. Instead, because I am waiting for a child halfway across the universe I think I'm supposed to make things easier for other folks, to suck it up. Get on with it. Be a good sport. Well, I don't want to suck it up. I'm tired of being a good sport. I'm frustrated. Angry. Sad. Irritated.

Instead of silently seething and not really hiding my feelings all that well, I've purged. It's out there. Done. However, I don't know if this is the last time I'll say these things, something tells me it won't be.

I would like to end on a positive note so I'll simply say that I've been blessed beyond my understanding with a husband who knows when to listen and when to advise, who is silently suffering right along side of me during all of this and who truly knows the way this feels. I'm forever grateful for my friend, Connie, who has perfect timing (because His time is perfect) and asked the right question at the right time. Thank you, Connie, for being such a blessing and a good listener. I'm really trying to lay this at His feet.

March 16 was 56 months.

Nothing I could write now would NOT sound like a giant pity party. So, no post. Just the update.

Month 51 and Some Ramblings

Been awhile since last I wrote. Haven't had much to say, in the way of the adoption, anyway. Those who know me, know I always have something to say :)

Wednesday, Nov. 3- we made the trip down to the area offices of immigration services and updated our 1-171H and were fingerprinted again. This renewal process secures the immigration status of an adopted child and ensures that upon arrival in the United States the abandoned orphan is declared a US citizen. Our appointment was at 8 and we were back in the car on our way home by 8:20. Is was great! We had a nice day together. Grabbed lunch, ate at a leisurely pace and then had dinner with my in-laws. It was a good day.

I'd like to think this is the last time we will do this...but we've been living this life for 51 months. I worry that I won't know how to live a life that isn't about waiting... what in the world am I going to do with a baby???? I'm sure I'll figure that out and I can name a few folks who would like nothing more than to tell me how to do it... solicited or not. But those of you who know me well, and love me anyway, know how well I take a lesson. ;)

I've been thinking a lot about the kind of young woman I hope our daughter grows up to be. Independent. Spirited. Intelligent. Kind. Willing and able to speak her mind. I hope she's able to draw boundaries so that no one, not a soul, treats her like a door mat. I want her to be able to say, "Mom, You're wrong and I disagree" when I am and she does. I want her to be able to follow her heart and not worry what the rest of the damn world thinks about it. I'd like her to be sensitive to others but not so sensitive herself. Sadly, I'd like her to know that there are some people, no matter how hard you try, who will never be satisfied. That might sound pessimistic but it's really not. Those people aren't worth her time. I also want her to know that no matter who it is... I will take down the person who tries to make her something she's not. So, enough said I suppose.

Month 49

Today is Friday, August 6, 201o. August 16th will mark the 49th month anniversary of the log in of our dossier to China. Who knew then that we'd still be waiting and waiting? Tomorrow the social worker from AWAA will come and meet with us again to update our home study. While she is a lovely woman and we do enjoy visiting with her, I hope that this it the last visit of this kind. Of course once we have EG we will need to have post-placement follow ups, but I am really getting ahead of myself. On a side note- one of my former students said the sweetest thing to me yesterday. He said, "Hopefully by the new year you'll be Mama Nehrig instead of just plain ol' Nehrig."



Paul's new job has him SUPER busy and we haven't really had a chance to spend much real time together lately. I think once our interview is over we're going to just hang out in our backyard and float around the pool until we're all wrinkled!

Heard from our family coordinator today

Hey ya'll...
Got word today from our family coordinator. We were told not to expect a referral at all this year either. The wait times and matching times keep extending and it's very doubtful that we'll receive a match this year. That's all the news you can use from this front.

Let's see...what's going on...

It's been a few months since I last logged in and posted. What's happened... where to start, where to start. Thanksgiving found us in Tampa this year. We celebrated with my mom, step-dad, sister, the Boog (a.k.a. Devon) and my step-dad's daughter, her husband and their new baby. Nothing out of the ordinary really. It was nice.

December found us scrambling to make it to the winter vacation, or maybe that was just me! Those of you who keep close contact know that this year has been one of the toughest of my career. I spend all day trying to sell something that no one is interested in! That's hard.

We celebrated Christmas eve with Paul's mother and brothers. We missed his sister this year but she was working and being gainfully employed is super! We ate, exchanged stocking stuffers and headed to church for the 7:30 service. We used to go to the 11:00, but all of us used to be younger, too! Paul and I then headed down to Tampa so that we could be at my mother's on Christmas morning to watch the Boog open her presents and revel in the delightful treasures that Santa (who she doesn't even know) left for her under the tree. She was overwhelmed as usual and the whole experience left me thinking, "how in the world do you top that?" I fear we've set some dangerous precedents with this kid and Christmas. We all received a fabulous Christmas present this year. My mother's sister, my aunt Cheryl Ann, was able to join us this year. We were so glad to see her. She's been gone TOOOO long and hopefully will be making her way back to Florida, for good, soon! We miss her.

New Year's eve found us at Paul's father and step-mother's house. This is always a fun time. We gnosh on delicious goodies, laugh, and exchange gifts via a Chinese gift auction. It's so much fun to see what each package contains and who will end up with what at the end of the evening. I like to think that I got the best gift this year: A CLAPPER! Ohh.. .this is a sweet little gadget and I have joked about wanting/needing one for years and this year I scored! OOh.. what's that... too tired to roll over and turn out that light? No problem... clap on...clap off... the clapper!! I'm a simple woman really, with simple needs and who delights in simple pleasures. HAHA!

So now we're back in the swing of things at school. We've been back for one full week and this week is mid-term week. I'll spend my time preparing, administering and grading exams. Oh what fun and joy! The good news is that we will have a long weekend vacation coming up. We get Monday, Jan 18th off and Tuesday, Jan 19th is a teacher duty day. Should be most excellent.

And now for what you've been reading all of the previous drivel for... our agency released news that referrals for 3 babies were received on December 28th. This round of referrals finishes out the the dossiers logged in in March 2006. The next expected group was logged in April 6, 2006. The wait time still increases by one to 1 1/2 months each month, and the average now is 44-45 months. Who knows what that really means for us but by gum they are finished processing March referrals finally! Stay tuned for more as it becomes available.